Devil's Dictionary

PILGRIM, n. A traveler that is taken seriously.

PIRACY, n. Commerce without its folly-swaddles, just as God made it.

PLAGIARIZE, v. To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never, never read.

PLAN, v.t. To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.

PLATITUDE, n. The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature. A thought that snores in words that smoke. The wisdom of a million fools in the diction of a dullard. A fossil sentiment in artificial rock. A moral without the fable. All that is mortal of a departed truth. A demi-tasse of milk-and-mortality. The Pope's-nose of a featherless peacock. A jelly-fish withering on the shore of the sea of thought. The cackle surviving the egg. A desiccated epigram.

PLEASE, v. To lay the foundation for a superstructure of imposition.

PLEASURE, n. The least hateful form of dejection.

PLUNDER, v. To take the property of another without observing the decent and customary reticences of theft.

POETRY, n. A form of expression peculiar to the Land beyond the Magazines.

POLICE, n. An armed force for protection and participation.

POLITENESS, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.

POLITICS, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

Ambrose Bierce