Devil's Dictionary

MISFORTUNE, n. The kind of fortune that never misses.

MONDAY, n. In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.

MONUMENT, n. A structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration or cannot be commemorated.

MORAL, adj. Conforming to a local and mutable standard of right. Having the quality of general expediency.

NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.

NOISE, n. A stench in the ear.

NON-COMBATANT, n. A dead Quaker.

NONSENSE, n. The objections that are urged against this excellent dictionary.

NOVEL, n. A short story padded.

NOVEMBER, n. The eleventh twelfth of a weariness.

Ambrose Bierce