To My Spammers

TO MY SPAMMERS

While I appreciate your concern

for the size of my penis
and my lack of a PhD
and my considerable debt
and formidible girth
and shabby love life

and therefore offer remedies
for all these and more

penile extenders and viagra
no-test no-interview degrees
loans, casinos and lotteries
diet pills and ancient herbs
lovely young women

from Russia and Thailand
to marry me
to sit on my face
to be naughty beyond imagination

while I appreciate everything
you are trying to do for me
let me take this moment
to offer compensation

may you contact the genital crabs
and the doctor give you this cure

shaving half your pubic hair
soaking the other side with gasoline
putting a match to it
so that all those critters race
to the other side
so the doctor can stab
each one dead
with an ice pick

--Charles Deemer