Just what I wanted to hear

On the wire:

Barbados Faces Invasion by Giant Snails
By Associated Press

November 7, 2006, 5:25 PM EST


BRIDGETOWN, Barbados -- A breed of giant, ravenous snails that first appeared in Barbados five years ago has thrived on the tropical island, destroying crops and prompting calls for the government to eliminate the slimy pests.

A nocturnal "snail hunt" last weekend reported finding hundreds of thousands of giant African snails swarming the central parish of St. George, the country's agricultural heartland where farmers had complained of damage to crops including sugar cane, bananas and papayas.

Read complete story.

Last good snail story I heard was from a lady friend -- at lunch of all places. She was camping. She had to leave the tent to go tickle. She slipped a bare foot into her boot ... and squished a fat Oregon snail. Between the toes and everything. Oh joy.

At the same time, snails can be tasty. I haven't had any for a while. Hmm. I'm not even sure where to get them in Portland. Is there a French restaurant in town?

I once put snails on a homemade pizza. In L.A. college days, a buddy and I wanted to make the world's most expensive pizza. We had all variety of strange imported canned goodies on it. A complete waste since all the tastes cancelled each other out and were overwhelmed by the tomato sauce anyway. But we succeeded in spending a lot of money on it, which was the purpose. The things poor college students think of!

Of course, with these giant snails, you'd have to bake them. Serve them up like Cornish game hens.

Of course, snails are more appetizing if you call them "escargot." In the 60s a Reed College student published a delightful little book of horsemeat recipes, in which he presented the theory that horsemeat needed to be called something else, like "cheval". His recipes were for things like "Salisbury Mare" and "Galloping Spaghetti Sauce."

At the time there was a horsemeat market on Hawthorne Blvd, which later became a German deli. I used to buy ground horsemeat for my spaghetti sauce. It was a hoot to go to the store because you'd always encounter a sweet little old lady who pretended she was buying a horsemeat roast for Fido or Kitty instead of for herself. At the time, horsemeat was considerably less expensive than beef.

I mourned the departure of the horsemeat market, even though the German deli that replaced it was pretty good -- and even sold fresh scrapple! Ah, the days of horsemeat and fresh scrapple in Portland appear to be long gone.


Here are some snail recipes.