Here's today's wit from Ambrose Bierce's "The Devil's Dictionary," a giant in its genre:
EPITAPH, n. An inscription on a tomb, showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect.
ERUDITION, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
ETHNOLOGY, n. The science that treats of the various tribes of Man, as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and ethnologists.
EULOGY, n. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.