A curious thing happens as I age. I have a stronger sense of "living for today" -- and yet, at the same time, many things that I do continue to place faith in being alive in the future, creating an interesting tension in behavior. Most of my "investment in the future" today is musical, that is, learning piano, bringing banjo back into my life, plans to compose a music drama, and so on. But practice, the foundation of learning music, is always in the present tense. I practice -- and make a leap of faith that I'll be around to reap its rewards.
But I've been living on "gravy" (Raymond Carver's term) for some time now. I can't escape this feeling, having outlived all my closest male friends, none of whom abused their body more than I did. This creates a sense that I might drop dead on the spot (as both my parents did) any time now -- hence the desire to take advantage of each day. This isn't morbid, as H claims, but realistic. My history and my genes suggest I don't have much time left. I don't make a big deal out of this -- I'm just very aware of it. But I also have years of activity I want to do and hope to be able to do it.
So it's the tension between present and future that I find interesting. Perhaps it's this: preparing for the future makes the present more interesting.
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