With my new schedule, Thursdays are the most hectic. I have papers to return but before I go to the university, I have my Music Theory class across town. With the car, I've been driving there for class, driving home to let the dog out, driving to park and ride and catching a bus to school. A lot of running around, made even more hectic if I bus to class. I'm reluctant to put the van in park and ride after it was stolen from same.
I've been in a long funk since H left but I think I'm crawling out of it. I still am way behind on the review and on digitizing my scrapbook, grunt work chores largely, plus the novel and splay in progress ... it's not as if I'm lacking for things to do. The theory class takes more time than the piano class, it appears, so I'm busier than usual apart from writing and teaching. You'd think I'd be too busy to find time to be in a funk but it doesn't work that way, of course. Funks have their own life and energy. Mine usually takes the pattern where I expand my sense of lack of connection into cosmic proportions.
I think my ego is shrinking as I get older. That's dangerous for a writer. If I ever stop being the fan of last resort of my own work ...
My mind may be starting to go as well. Yesterday at the store I couldn't remember the PIN for my debit card. Somehow, though, my finger's memory punched it in while my mind was starting to panic. Since I'm writing a book full of old farts, I must remember to put in a scene like that. It's all material.
In the end, maybe that's the final (if sad) salvation in this life. It's all material. (That probably should be the name of this blog.)
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3 comments:
Sounds like you need some quiet time with you.
I found an interesting read regarding identity in one of its many phases, namely, retrograde.
From Alexander Kolesnikov's site:
http://lunarium.co.uk/articles/retrograde_planets.php
QUOTE:
A Stereotype? What is this?
Whether we realise this or not, in our lives we have some reference points for our experiences, some templates or patterns which define exactly we perform this or that activity.
We tend to comunicate in a certain manner peculiar to us, our preferences in learning a new information may be quite different from those of the other people. We prefer to read certain kind of articles in certain newspapers, to express our thoughts in a manner of our own. All these details of our personal approach towards communication can be perseived as the Stereotype of Mercury....
The important idea is that our stereotypes do not stay the same over the whole life. They tend to change, to evolve and develop.
However, the changes in our attitudes can be more noticeable for those people who are not very close to us. And the last person to notice any change is ourselves.
Anyway, the idea of Augustina Semenko is that the most important changes in our stereotypes take place during the retrograde motion of the appropriate planets.
Before point 1 on the graph shown above [see web page] we are happy to use the old stereotype. However, during the period of time from point 1 to point 2 the old stereotype becomes weaker and weaker until it completely vanishes at point 2. We are left in this world without a stereotype to use and we feel like we have lost something. We go backwards in an attempt to find what we have lost, and the period from point 2 to point 3 is when we have no stereotype at all and are looking for one. This is a strange and interesting time when many things can happen - those which would seem to us impossible before. Some usual, basic affairs might be not very successful however, as we have no firm ground to deal with them.
[Sound familiar? This is the segment we're in until November 1, 2007 see http://lunarium.co.uk/planetary.php ]
[CONTINUING:] We pick up some new stereotype at around point 3, and then the period of time from point 3 to point 4 is when we learn to use the new stereotype, this takes some time.
END QUOTE
BTW this Mercury retrograde period started September 21 and will run through November 17, 2007.
...Now, remember that coffee-mug saying "Life Isn't About Finding Yourself--Life is About Creating Yourself"? Why not pour some oolong in that mug and take a gentle walk with the most interesting person you know...you. And if this is totally ungermine well then just write it off to Merc Retro :)
Bah, everyone forgets their PIN now and then.
99% of my waking hours is "quiet time with" myself.
I myself have seen my wilder days
And I have seen my name at the top of the page
But I need to find a friend just to run around
But nobody wants to get high on the town
And all my rowdy friends have settled down
--Hank Williams, Jr.
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