Having a pacemaker will have profound influences on my mental life, my existential self, the sense I make of life itself. I already can sense changes and realize others will be coming throughout what remains of my life. And not all will be positive.
For example, I am reminded of a comment in
The Devil's Share, a book by the Swiss theologian Denis de Rougemont, one of my early influences. He noted that we were in the midst of an unprecedented human experiment (this is just after the WWII era)
to eliminate risks before they come due. This, he proposed, could change the human condition itself. I already feel some of this. It will take me a while to be able to articulate what I mean.
Happiness is indeed a Eurydice, vanishing as soon as gazed upon. It can
exist only in acceptance, and succumbs as soon as it is laid claim to.
Of course, at first level, it is great to have energy again! And I have energy in the afternoon, which I haven't had for a while. The pacemaker is remarkable.
But that's not the whole picture. I'll be trying to figure out the rest. Indeed, my proposed book, reflection, study,
Rethinking Walden, is a parallel concern.
Maybe the books left in me are philosophical reflections. (Well, maybe my fictional narratives are disguised philosophical reflections.)
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